NADALS fucking agenda

Missing words (brains and all the rest)

caurà i m´esclafarà....

Un autoretrat antic, perfecte per a tota aquesta setmana...

només són boletes de plàstic (perspicàcia femenina)...

Milos: Mira! l´arbre té pluja!
Martina: No és pluja, és neu
Milos: No, és pluja
Martina: No, està nevant
Milos: Està plovent
Martina: No, són boletes petites de plàstic

Milos: Look! There's rain in the tree!
Martina: Is not rain, it's snow
Milos: No, it's rain
Martina: No, it's snowing
Milos: It's raining
Martina: No, these are small plastic balls

saps què et dirà el senyor de la teva classe?

Mama, aquest dibuix que estàs pintant no es pinta així.
Saps què et dirà el senyor de la teva classe? que no es pinta així!

Mama, this is not the way you should paint this drawing you're painting. You know what the mister* in your class is going to say? ? He's going to say that this is not the way you should paint this!
*mister= teacher!

no hi ha res que encaixi...

No hi ha res que encaixi.
Potser sóc jo, que no encaixo enlloc.

Nothing fits.
Maybe it's just me, that don't fit anywhere.

ja ho sabia, que era un àngel dels de veritat...

Les millors sorpreses són aquelles que no hauries imaginat mai.
Com si el gat del veí et digués, tot sortint de l´ascensor, "sembla que avui no farà tant de fred", com quan un amic que se suposa que és escriptor munta una banda i grava un CD amb la música més emocionant que has sentit en anys.

Best surprises are those who you will never dare to imagine.
Just like if your neighbour's cat would say, in the lift, "it seems that today it's going to be a little bit warmer", just like if a friend of yours, being a writer, founds a music band and records a CD with the most moving music you heard in years.

el violinista de la Linia 3...

M'emociona el violinista de la Linia 3.
Segurament la Linia 3 no és el seu lloc.
M'agradaria molt saber com ha arribat fins aquí.

The violinist in Line 3 deeply moves me.
He surely doesn't belong to Line 3.
I really would like to know how he got there.

la mare d´en Tabalet...

Tata, ara jo seré la mama i tu seràs en Tabalet, d´acord?
Doncs jo sóc la mama i me'n vaig a classe de dibuix i allà estic amb els meus amics i m´ho passo molt bé.

un moment que val per dos...

Als matins, hi ha moments
que valen per dos

In the morning, there are moments that are a year's worth

Et faig un esquema...?

Dic en veu alta, almenys 5 vegades: em trobo FATAAAAL! En Sasa no es mou. Jec al llit, moribunda i afegeixo: encara que no em facis ni cas, em trobo fataaaaal!. En Sasa diu: Per què creus que he agafat els papers i he vingut a treballar al llit??? Per estar al teu costat! i jo dic: si m´ho haguessis dit! si m´haguessis dit, guapa, perla, no pateixis que vinc al teu costat, enlloc de no dir res, que no sé mai si m´has sentit o si has vingut per casualitat.

I'm complaining out loud, more than 5 times now I FEEL REALLY SICK! Sasa is not moving at all. I lay on my sickbed, half dead and say: even though you're not paying me any attention, I feel really sick! Sasa says: why do you think I took all my paperwork and came to bed to work??? To be with you! And I say: if only you'd said it! if only you'd said darling, sweetie, don't worry, I'm coming, I'll lay next to you, instead of keeping your thoughts to yourself. I really never know if you've heard me or you came by chance.

A la meva sogra li encanta ordenar...

A la meva sogra li encanta ordenar-nos la casa quan no hi som. Les calces són al calaix dels calçotets, els coberts on hi havia els gots. Els llençols amb les tovalloles. El meu lubricant vaginal ha aparegut amb els betums.

My mother-in-law loves to tidy up our home when we are not around. My knickers are with Sasa's underwear, cutlery where it used to be the cups. Sheets are where it used to be the towels. My vaginal lubricant turned up next to the shoe polish.

Bon dia...!

Aquest matí, la Baba i en Milos salten damunt del llit. La mama, que sóc jo, es posa nerviosa perquè hi ha moltes coses a fer abans d´anar a l´escola. MILOS! crida la mama, però res. Nema Milosa! crida la Baba quan els vaig a buscar. En Milos no hi és!

This morning, Baba and Milos are jumping on the bed. Mama, I myself, is getting nervous because there are lots of things to do before going to school. MILOS! yells mama, but nothing. He won't come. Nema Milosa! says Baba when I go to the room. Milos is not in here!

interferències...

M'agradaria tancar una mica els ulls després de dinar. Encara que fos quedar en estat Alfa davant la tele. Però en Milos troba molt interessant el fet de xisclar, és una novetat. El telèfon sona, tothom parla a la vegada. Ja no sento la tele i molt menys el soroll que fa la maquinària interna del meu cap i que pregunta: quantes milles de Lufthansa tinc?

I would really like to close my eyes for a while after lunch. Even if it's only to stay in Alpha state in front of TV. But Milos won't stop to shriek, it's a very interesting new thing to do. Telephone is ringing, everyone speaking at the same time. I can't hear the TV anymore, and no way I can hear the internal machinery of my mind, that asks: how may Lufthansa miles do I have?

Miris od kiselog kupusa

Quan tornem del cine, a quarts d'una, la flaire contundent de la col fermentada ens diu que diumenge dinarem bé! La Baba ha preparat SARME, sense cansalada, perquè sap que no m´agrada.

Back from the cinema, half past midnight, the strong smell of sour cabbage tells us that we're going to eat well on Sunday. Baba prepared SARME, without fatty salt pork, because she knows I don't like it

Tinc el cap ple de fullaraca...

Tinc el cap ple de fullaraca. Serradures. Sorra fina, com la dels rellotges, que s´escapa per tots els forats. Palla. Pols. Angelets d´aquells que es bufen i es demana un desig... que mai es compleix.
- atenció, Nadal, organitzar agenda. Com fer que l´avi i l'àvia no es trobin al cagatió?
- fumigador
- atenció, bosseta de l´esmorzar
- buscar una feina decent
- atenció: el pollastre caduca avui
- gestor, iva, tarja seguretat social, per què una altra persona té el meu número?
- cereals, llet, mandarines, mantega, pa...

My head is filled with fallen dead leaves. Sawdust. Very fine sand, like in an hourglass, slipping through the holes. Straw. Dust. Filled with dandelions like the ones you puff when making a wish... that will never come true.

- Warning! Christmas, how to arrange the agenda so that grandpa and grandma wouldn't meet?
- Fumigation at home
- Don't forget Milos' packed breakfast
- To look for a proper job
- Warning! The chicken is going to be past its use-by date
- cereals, milk, mandarins, butter, bread...

Hobbies inútils...

El meu pare truca des de l´aeroport. Marxa al Marroc de viatge. Puc anar a casa seva a rentar els plats? Em depilaré més tard; dibuixaré després; el cafè pot esperar; el dinar es farà sol; més endavant ja faré la migdiada; els poemes d´animals no els necessita ningú. Tinc tants hobbies inútils!

My father calls me from the airport. He's going to Morocco on holidays. Would I mind going to his place to wash dishes? I will wax later; I will draw afterwards; coffee can wait; lunch is going to get ready all by itself; siesta can wait; no one needs my poems about animals. I have such a lot of useless hobbies!

Pedagogia activa...

Nen, cauràs al sofà i t´obriràs el cap i et deixarem aquí estirat a l´estora i no et durem a l´hospital i ens enriurem de tu, ja, ja, ja, i tu amb el cap obert, perquè ja t´havíem avisat que et faries mal (avi) Traducció: NO SALTIS AL SOFÀ
Nen, vindrà el llop i se't menjarà sencer, a tu i a aquesta nena dolentíssima de la teva classe que estira els cabells, vindrà el llop terrorífic i us menjarà (baba) Traducció: ACABA'T ELS CEREALS

Kid, you are going to fall and smash your head on the floor, and we will leave you here on the carpet and will not take you into hospital, and we are going to laugh at you, ha ha ha, because we warned you (grandad) Translation: DON'T JUMP ON THE SOFA
Kid, the wolf will come and will eat you entirely, you and this awful little girl in your classroom that pulls your hair, the horrible wolf will come and eat both of you (Baba) Translation: FINISH WITH YOUR BREAKFAST

La mama pop...

La meva sogra diu que fa calor. No cal posar la calefacció. El nen no va prou abrigat, ensenya la panxa i no du sabatilles. Cal assecar-li els cabells abans de sopar, m´haig de posar mitjons, la sopa ha d'estar calenta però no massa, una manta més al llit. Sembla mentida la calor que fa. Em pots deixar el forro polar del Sasa?


Baba says that is too warm in here. We don't need no heating at all. But the kid needs to be dressed with something warmer. I have to dry his hair before dinner, I have to wear socks, soup must be hotter than that, but not too much, and we need another blanket on the bed. It's really strange how hot is in here. Can I please borrow one of Sasa's fleece vests?

Quan en Sasa viatja...

Quan en Sasa marxa de viatge, deixo totes les sabates escampades, em poso el pijama quan arribo a casa, menjo dreta l'esmorzar i faig servir la seva tovallola. Fumo amb la finestra tancada.

When Sasa goes on a trip, I leave my shoes all around the place, I wear the pyjama as soon as I arrive home, I eat my breakfast standing in the kitchen and use his towel. I smoke with all the windows closed.